here are the facts

You asked so here it is: the all-inclusive list of everything I know about kosher dietary rules, and even a few things I don't know.

Anything from a pig is bad news.

Don't eat soup with bugs in it, but you can take the bugs out and then eat it if you want. Same goes for spiders. No rattlesnakes. Fish are fine. Fish with weird skeletons or armor are not fine. Tarantulas are a no-go.

Cheese has cow stomachs in it and marshmallows have horse feet in them and lots of other foods have strange parts of animals in them you didn't know about.

You can't boil a lamb in his mother's blood or milk or something I always thought was literal but it's not, it's a way of saying not to eat meat and dairy at the same time, which sounds gross at first but people do it all the time when they're eating cheeseburgers or cheese chicken or turkey ice cream or turkey yogurt. You can eat salmon yogurt because salmon isn't a meat. You can eat eggs at the same time as meat as long as it isn't pig meat and you don't cook the eggs in butter. You can eat a lemon ice for dessert after eating some non-pig non-bug meat because lemon ice doesn't have dairy, unless you like eating lemon ice with melted butter on it, like people do with popcorn. You could put an egg on top if you didn't have taste buds or shame. Eggs are not a meat or a dairy, they don't fall into the blood and milk description in any way. If you're not hungry for eggs right now you're crazy.

If you have two heads you can possibly eat dairy in one mouth and meat in one mouth, depending on where you are conjoined.

You can eat meat while wearing ice-cream flavored chapstick, but you can't eat actual ice cream for three hours after, or a certain number of hours that depends on what country you live in and whether you're lactose intolerant. I wouldn't recommend eating the actual chapstick, I don't know if it has anything to do with kashrut but it might just make you sick.

Don't eat owls. End of list.

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